Devyn has had her share of shitty first sexual encounters. More than once in high school, she found herself on the unlucky receiving end of some nasty, shame-y rumours.
The first time it happened, Devyn was fifteen years old. She’d started hanging out with Cole, a cute boy one year old than she was.
“He was super cute, and really fun,” she tells me. As she began seeing more of him, she developed a major crush. Devyn admits that even at the time she knew he was interested in someone else, but she was determined to make Cole like her.
“I was like, ‘You’re gonna like me, ’cause I’m cute, I’m gonna make you like me.'” Devyn says, describing her determined fifteen-year-old self.
A friend group formed between Devyn’s and Cole’s friends, and they would often all hang out together. Devyn and Cole’s friendship morphed into a friends-with-benefits situation: they started making out regularly.
One night, the group of friends was drinking at Cole’s house. Devyn tells me she was very drunk, but not incapacitated. Cole approached her where she was sitting on his couch and began flirting with her. They started kissing, and somehow, they ended upstairs in a bedroom.
Inside the bedroom, things escalated. Devyn had never given someone a blow job before—she had never had a sexual experience of any kind before—but she agreed to try.
“It was the most unpleasant moment of my life,” Devyn reflects. Cole acted both forceful and disinterested. He masturbated aggressively in front of Devyn, and when she went down on him he was uncommunicative, not giving her any indication of what he wanted. Devyn, on the other hand, didn’t have the slightest idea of what to do.
“I never knew you had to be careful with your teeth,” she says defensively, foreshadowing the rumours that later circulated.
After several frustrating minutes, Devyn left. The situation was clearly not going to get any better, and she’d been having more fun downstairs. That was the last time the two hooked up.
Shortly after, Devyn discovered that Cole had been telling all of their friends that she used teeth when she gave blow jobs. Years later, she tells me they still joke about her being bad in bed because of it. Humiliated and ashamed, Devyn vowed never to perform oral sex again. In her next brief relationship with a boy named Trevor, Devyn flat out refused when he asked her to go down on him.
“The one time he hinted at it I was like, ‘No, ’cause I don’t know how to do it and it’s not fun and it’s embarrassing because I don’t know what I’m doing.”
The second rumour Devyn found herself at the centre of was courtesy of Trevor.
She was finally getting over Cole when she became interested in Trevor. He was the first boy she ever introduced to her parents, and she fell for him quickly. They were both around sixteen years old, but Trevor had had far more sexual experiences than Devyn. At first, their physical relationship was only comprised of kisses and cuddles. But soon it progressed further.
Devyn and Trevor were in bed together one day, fooling around as usual, when Trevor began to finger her. She wasn’t sure how it should feel, but she was excited. Trevor started slowly, he wasn’t forceful or aggressive, and he checked in with her several times to make sure it was what she wanted. It was good.
After they finished, however, Trevor began acting strange. He was distant, and he wouldn’t sit next to her on the couch. He drove Devyn home, and the atmosphere was tense between them the entire way.
The next Friday, Trevor was invited over to Devyn’s house for dinner. It was the first time he had been over to her house, and Devyn’s mom was excitedly cooking supper. But Trevor kept Devyn waiting all evening long. He kept pushing back the time when he would arrive, claiming that he had errands to run. Finally, after waiting two hours for him, Devyn sent a frustrated text message, demanding to know if he was going to show up at all. Trevor replied five hours later. His excuse? “Oh sorry, I got really busy.”
After being stood up in her own home, Devyn was understandably pissed. She stopped talking to Trevor, effectively ending their short relationship. But soon after, Devyn began to hear rumours again. This time, the rumours claimed that Trevor had lost interest in her because she had “a wide-set vagina.”
“It made me feel so insecure about myself,” Devyn says. “I was like, ‘Oh my God, that’s disgusting that people are gonna think that of me. The first time I have sex it’s just gonna be like, ‘Oh. Well, that sucked.””
Even as she tells me this, years after it happened, Devyn is visibly upset.
Devyn didn’t talk to boys for a long time after that. She shielded herself from more rumours by removing herself completely from the dating scene.
Years later, she met her current boyfriend, Sean. Even though he was more sexually experienced than her, Sean never pressured Devyn into sexual acts of any kind. In fact, it was Devyn who initiated sex for the first time. Throughout their entire relationship, Sean has been extremely communicative with her about sex.
“The first time me and Sean did things, I was like, ‘Oh shit, this is gonna be bad, I’m not good at it,'” Devyn says.
But it wasn’t bad at all. Devyn felt ready, Sean was supportive.
As we approach the end of our interview, I ask Devyn if she can recall any particularly happy sexual experiences she’s had with Sean.
She considers this question for a minute, and then says, “With me and Sean…it’s always good.”
Thanks for sharing your story, Devyn!